The Christmas Story

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy, James. He is very forgetful. He is really old, too. He was the second Canadian to get off Noah's Ark. He must be 20 years old! I have to look after him. Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing.

Know what? This is us with Wes. He is the big boss at the Dominion House. That's across the street from our house. Wes is nice. He knows how to make deep-fried dill pickles. They're yummy and that's one of the four food groups in the Canada Food Guide. Wes has a Christmas tree. They have good food to eat at the DH.

Look at Chance! He thinks his Santa hat is a sleeping bag!

I'm telling Chance the Christmas Story. Hark! Once upon a midnight clear Mary and Joseph have to go Ottawa and pay taxes. When they get there they couldn't find a TraveLodge so they sleep in a barn. Then Mary had a newborn baby. His name is Baby Jesus. Newborns don't have any teeth, you know. A flock of shepherds come to see the newborn king. Then the three wise guys followed the OnStar right to the barn. They have three birthday presents. They bring gold and frankysence and Mir. I don't know why they brought gold. They can't go shopping cuz all the stores are closed on Christmas Day, you know.  James says frankysence smells good. I know what Mir is. It's dish soap. We get it at Westside Foods. It's in aisle four.

When Jesus grows up he will die on an old rugged cross and save us all from Satan's power, comfort and joy. One day he'll come and get us and take us to his house. Jesus lives in Heaven. Special Ed James says we can't go there on VIA Rail. We will fly. Then we will have Christmas at his house! I hope Jesus will make gingerbread being with us. That is the end of the Christmas story.

Chance is asleep. I'm sleepy.

We put another sticker on the calendar, today. Know what? It's only five more days before Santa and Merry Christmas come to our house!

This is Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Good-bye for now! Pay your taxes so you don't have to go to Ottawa and sleep in a barn. Be good citizens! Over and out!"

Chance & the Table Saw

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy,  James. He forgets things. That's because he's old. He says he's older than dirt. That's really old! He must be 20! I have to look after him. Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing.

Oh! My goodness! Chance climbed up onto the table saw! He doesn't know it can hurt him. "Come down from there right now, my son!" The saw is sharp it could cut Chance in half. That would be awful! Chance is lucky I spotted him and pulled him down before I had two half brothers. That is a pun. I'm five. I know what puns are.

Know what? Every day we put a sticker on the calendar. It's only 13 days until Merry Christmas comes to our house. Chance and me are getting ready. We had a present for Merry Christmas and Santa, too. We made them gingerbread beings but we ate them all up. Now we need to make some more. My job is to stir. James says I'm the MiniSTIR of Cookies. I could be an MP in Ottawa, you know. Oh! I get to lick the spoon, too.

Did you hear that? I hear James hollering, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Where's my handsome bear cubs? Where are you my Sons of Windsor? Where are you my Princes of Ontario?" That's me! I'm a handsome bear cub! I'm a son of Windsor. I'm a Prince of Ontario.  Chance is, too! This is Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Be good citizens! Santa and Merry Christmas are gonna find out if we're naughty or nice. They watch all of us from Anik Satellite. Good-bye for now! Over and out!"

Merry Christmas is Coming to Our House

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy,  James. He is old and forgetful.   I have to look after him. Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing.

Know what? Merry Christmas is coming. I l-o-v-e Merry Christmas. There's the baby Jesus and the flock of shepherds and the three wise guys and Santa and Rudolph the Nasally-challenged Reindeer, Frosty the Snow Person  and the elves. Elves are smart. I know what elves learn in school. They learn the elf-abet! That is a pun. I'm five. I know what puns are.

We got a lot to do to get ready for Merry Christmas. We put a green sticker on the calendar. There are 25 days until Merry Christmas. That's a long time. Know what?  James and me are gonna make gingerbread cookies to put on our tree. We got lights for the tree, too. Chance can help us make cookies. He can stir. He's the Deputy MiniSTIR of Stirrring.  I hope he doesn't fall in the bowl! He would get all sticky. Chance thinks he's helping by sitting in the microwave oven. That's not helping! Come out of there, my son! We sing Merry Christmas songs while we cook. After we make a whole lot of gingerbread persons then Chance and me are gonna climb the sugar maple and holler 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' and 'Merry Christmas!' to everybody walking down the sidewalk. Oh! Wait! What if we see a lion? I know! We'll holler, "Merry Christmas Mr. Lion!"

This is me, Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Merry Christmas, good citizens! Ho! Ho! Ho! Over and out!"