The Slidey-Slide

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy, James. He's really old. He was the second Canadian to get off Noah's Ark, you know.

 Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing. I look after Chance, too. He's a handful! 

Know what? Chance and me are having lots of fun.  We're on the slidey-slide. It's very bouncy. We slide down it real fast. It tickles my tummy to ride so fast. I holler real loud when I'm the slidey-slide. Chance doesn't really talk but he makes little squeaky noises when he's happy. I let him ride on my shoulders. Chance squeaks all the way down the slide. I watch him to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. When we get to the bottom, we climb to the top and slide down again.

All the sliding on the slidey-slide makes us hungry. Know what? James gave us each a toonie so we could get something to eat. I know what I want to eat. I want to eat a candy apple. I l-o-v-e candy apples. They're yummy, sticky and sweet. That's three of the four food groups in the Canada Food Guide.

The other food group is Nasty. Like brocollis and sauerkrauts. Those are nasty and I don't like to eat them. Know what else tastes nasty? Buckley's Cough Syrup . It's awful!

The candy apples cost $2. That's how much money a toonie is. It takes two loonies to make a toonie. I learned that from Miss Jackie at the Scruffy Maple Day Care Dentre. Know what else? Toonies have Queen Elizabeth on the front and a picture of bear on the back. I wonder if he's related to Chance and me. He could be be our polar cousin! James holds out a toonie and says, "See the Queen? Then he turns over the toonie and says, "Now you can see Her Majesty's bear behind!" That's a pun. I know what a pun is.

Queen Elizabeth is  our buddy and she's the boss of almost everybody except the Knighted States. When we go to Buckingham Palace we can climb trees in the back yard with Her Majesty and share a box of Smarties with her, too. I would say, "Would Your Majesty care for a Smartie? Hold your hand out and say, 'please.' Oh, Your Majesty, don't forget to eat the red ones last, my dear." I know how to make tattoos with Smarties. I would help Her Majesty how to make tattoos on her face with Smarties. That's fun!

Oh. Wait! Did you hear that? James is hollering, "Where are my handsome bear cubs? Where are my Sons of Windsor? Where are my Princes of Ontario? That's me! Charles! That's Chance! We're handsome bear cubs. We're Sons of Windsor and Princes of Ontario! We gotta go find James so we can get our ears tickled and our noses kissed. 

This is me, Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Be good citizens. Be polite to everyone, especially Her Majesty. Then you can eat Smarties and drink root beer with us. Oh! Wait! Come over to our house and we can slide on the slidey-slide and eat candy apples! We can go over to Queen Elizabeth's house and climb trees with Her Majesty!  Okay! Over and out!"

Counting

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy, James. He's old and forgetful. Today he lost his marbles. I found them. They were in the fridge!   I have to look after him. Oh.Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing.

Know what? Chance doesn't have any teeth and he can't talk. He doesn't even have a tail, yet! I have a tail. I'm five, you know. Chance drinks condensed owls' milk out of a bottle. I don't need a bottle. I have a sippy cup with Spiderman on it. I like Spiderman, don't you?

Know what I'm doing? I'm counting up all my money. I keep all my coins in my red Canada Post piggy bank and when it's full we go to Speedy Money and trade all the pennies and nickels and dimes and quarters and loonies and toonies for paper money. Chance tries to help but he's too little to count. Besides, he eats the coins. He ate $4.67 before I could stop him!

James says we'll get the money back, we just have to wait for Chance to have a good poo. He says that there's no danger of Chance being copper deficient. I don't know what that means but I'm not looking through a diaper full of poo. That's nasty! Chance makes little squawky noises when he's hungry or his diaper is full. Then he's stinky and needs a bath. Chance shouldn't eat money! Money isn't a food group and it's not in the Canada Food Guide! When we're done here we're gonna go to Mac's Milk and say 'Hi' to Wendy and Ricky and Ruth and Sam. We can get gummy worms and Smarties. Maybe James will eat some, too. It's okay to eat gummy worms and Smarties. I know how to share 'cuz I'm a good citizen. Gotta go! This is me, Charles the Bear Cub saying, 'Over and out!'