If I Had a Million Dollars

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy, James. He's really old. He was the second Canadian to get off Noah's Ark, you know. He forgets where he puts his money. Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing. I look after Chance, too. He's a handful!

Know what? Chance and me found some money! We gave it to the Constable who came to our house on Sparkle Road. He says we're good citizens 'cuz we turned it in. He says we can keep it if no one  asks for it. Wow! I think it's a lot of money. There must be a million dollars! If we get to keep it, I want to give some to poor people who don't get to drink root beer. I'd give some to James and I'd give some to you, too! I know a song!

If I Had a Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an ottoman) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love.
If I had a million dollars I'd build a tree fort in our yard If I had a million dollars You could help, it wouldn't be that hard If I had a million dollars Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there Wouldn't that be fabulous If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you an exotic pet (like a llama or an emu) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones) If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love.

I know who's face is on the 20-dollar bill. That's Queen Elizabeth. She's the boss of almost everybody except the Knighted States. I know who's on the  50-dollar bill, too. That's Prime Minister Pearson. Miss Jackie taught us that at the Scruffy Maple Day Care Centre. James says the PM was a spy in the war. I could be be a spy! I'm good at sneaking up on lions, you know. I'm very quiet.

Chance tries to eat money. I have to say, "My son, take that out of your mouth this minute!" Money isn't good to eat, you know. He really is a handful!

Chance and me will go to Mac's Milk and Miss Wendy and Sam and Ricky and Diane can help us get a whole lot of Smarties and pineapple licorice. They're yummy and that's one of the food groups in the Canada Food Guide.

Oh. Wait! Did you hear that? James is hollering, "Where are my handsome bear cubs? Where are my Sons of Windsor? Where are my Princes of Ontario? That's me! Charles! That's Chance! We're handsome bear cubs. We're Sons of Windsor and Princes of Ontario! We gotta go find James so we can get our ears tickled and our noses kissed.

This is me, Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Be good citizens. If you find money, give it to the Constable.  Somebody might want their money. Okay! Over and out!"