Niagara Falls & the Time Out Chair

This is me, Charles the Bear Cub on my Time Out Chair. It's not a fun place. I like to have fun. I put a whole bunch of toilet paper in the toilet to make Niagara Falls so every time I flush, my bathtub boats and my bathtub duckies go sailing over the edge. That's lots of fun! I got all wet! I like to get wet, don't you? The floor got so wet I could splash and slide across it. Whooo! The neighbours downstairs got all wet. They were not very happy. They came upstairs to talk to Special Ed James. He says I can't play Niagara Falls. I didn't know it was a bad game. Sure seemed like fun. Now I had to have a bath--without toys--and I have to sit on my Time Out Chair and think about what I did. I don't like to think. I can't ride my bike or watch cartoons a-l-l day. I'm really sorry. I won't do it again, I promise. Who's a sad, sad bear cub? Me. Charles. Maybe if I tell God, Special Ed James and the downstairs neighbours I'm really, really sorry I can go outside and dig in the dirt. Bye for now.

Bath Time

By the end of the day I'm a pretty grubby cubby and I NEED a bath. When Special Ed James hollers, "Bath time!" I come running with my firetruck and my fire helmet. He fills up the bathtub with warm water and lots of bubbles. I climb right in. Special Ed James fires all five rubber duckies at me. I squeal and duck. I race my cars around the tub. He straps my fireman's helmet on me. I race the firetruck around the tub and then out comes the Scrunchie for scrubbing. It tickles and I laugh. That makes my buddy laugh. We laugh really hard. There's lots of bubbles in the water. We put them on our heads and everywhere! When I'm all done, I'm nice and clean and I'm ready to be tucked into bed for my story and prayers. I love bath time. It makes me happy. Do you have fun when you take your bath every night?

Friday Fun

I like playing outside. It's lots of fun. I can ride my bike up and down the sidewalk but I don't hit anybody. I can dig in the dirt, too. My buddy, Special Ed James and me ate lunch outside. I ate baked beans for lunch. Beans make me fart. Farting makes us laugh right out loud. We walked to Mac's Milk and I got a Kinder Egg. I bought Smarties and gummy worms for Special Ed James. I sure hope he's a good citizen and knows how to share them with me. I spended my own money cuz I get an allowance. After my nap I'm gonna climb the tree in the yard and watch people go by. I'm gonna say, "Who's a handsome bear cub?" and they won't know who's talking cuz I'll be hiding w-a-y up in the tree. Yeah. That's a good idea. Okay. I gotta go take my nap. Bye!

Rainy Day Fun

It rained and we couldn't go outside and play. My friends and me made a BIG tent in the living room. We made it out of blankets. It's kind of like a snow fort without the snow. I'm not allowed to bring snow inside the house. Snow is an outdoor toy. Ouch! I won't forget that lesson! We played in the tent and when it was time for lunch we got to eat our peanut butter and chocolate chip sandwiches in the tent. We got apple juice in our juice boxes and we didn't spill any. We got to watch Finding Nemo on the DVD player in the tent, too. We had lots of fun. We even took naps. Naps are okay. Sometimes I like them and sometimes I don't like them. My buddy Special Ed James says naps are important for growing bear cubs like me. He says that about cod liver oil, too. That stuff is yucky and no one should have to eat it. Gotta go now, it stopped raining and we are gonna go outside and splash in the puddles. Bye!

A Friend Comes to Sleep Over

This is me, Charles the Bear Cub. I'm waiting for my friend Darryl to come. I was sitting on the step but now I'm sitting upside down! Darryl is going to sleep over for three nights. We're gonna have fun! We can stay up late and play games like bouncing up and down on the bed. That's a very fun game. We get to eat Smarties. We go out to eat, too. I like going to the Dominion House Tavern to eat. That place is really old. Special Ed James says it's more than 100 years old. I'm four years old but I'm gonna be five on Canada Day. I wonder what kind of present you get when you're 100 years old? Maybe brownies? If I was really old, I'd want brownies. I know what I want for my birthday. I'm gonna write a letter to God and tell him. I can write you know. I can read, too. That's because I'm gifted and not just handsome. Special Ed James says so. So there! Oh! Another game we can play is "Who's a Handsome Bear Cub?" I like that game a whole lot because I get tickled. I love having my ears tickled. Who doesn't? Bye for now!

Lake Freighters, Trains and Smarties

Sometimes I wake up in the morning because the lake freighters blow their whistles. They're really loud, you know. I wonder if they know where they're going. Some of those big 'ole boats are going up the Detroit River and some are going down. The river must get tired of carrying them. I would. They're so big. I bet they're heavier than my backpack. Some mornings I got woken up by the train blowing its whistle. The train whistle sounds sad. I think the train is lost and looking for its Mummy. I don't want to get lost. One time I got lost at the shopping centre. That's not fun. I nice police constable gave me a whole box of Smarties and a root beer while we waited for Special Ed James to come find me. The nice constable let me play Space Invaders on his cell phone, too. It's hard to play Space Invaders without thumbs. Bears should come with thumbs, you know. Gotta go now. I wanna find Special Ed James. I want him to tickle my ears and say, "Who's a handsome bear cub?" That's a fun game and I don't need thumbs for that. Bye!

Sunscreen is My Friend

Special Ed James is my buddy but he can drive me crazy. When I wanna go outside and play, I'm in a hurry. I don't have time to mess around with checklists. Here comes Special Ed James, running with that stupid tube of sunscreen to smear all over my nose and paws. Sunburn! Who's afraid of Mr. Sun? Not me! He makes sure I have my water bottle and my house key on the string around my neck. I get sprayed with mosquito repellent. Yucky stuff! Tastes awful, so I stand still and close my mouth when I get sprayed. He checks the bicycle and hands me my helmet. He watches while I strap it under my chin. Yes, bear cubs have chins. I'm a handsome bear cub, you know. Yesterday at the Teddy Bears' Picnic I skipped all that and ran off to play. I got lots of mosquito bites. They itch. I got a sunburn. Now my nose hurts something fierce! It's nasty. Special Ed James rubbed some aloe vera on my nose to make it feel better. I had to stay in bed and I didn't even feel like eating the free burgers at Harvey's. I ate soup. I didn't even want gummy bear soup. I wanted chicken soup. I only eat chicken soup when I'm really sick. My buddy gave me Canada Dry and read me a story at bedtime. I'm glad he didn't say "told you so." I feel pretty yucky. Now I know that sunblock is my friend. So, maybe my buddy rides the short bus and goes to the Special Ed class at Maple Centre Elementary School but he's smart in his own way and a pretty good friend, too .

Picnic Time for Teddy Bears

Teddy Bear's Picnic

My buddy, Special Ed James and me went to the woods behind our house. We brought a picnic basket full of yummies for our tummies. Boy, did we have fun. Special Ed James got lost. I had to find him. We found his backpack but not his sox. We ate licorice sandwiches. I got chocolate bubblegum all over me. Good thing it came off when we went swimming! Special Ed James taught me a new song. We singed it all day. Hope you like it! I wanna learn to play the banjo!

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for a certain, because
Today's the day us teddy bears have our picnic.
Picnic time for teddy bears,
Us little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch us, catch us unawares,
And see us picnic on our holiday.
See us gaily gather 'bout.
We love to play and shout.
We never have any cares.
At six o'clock Special Ed James
Will take me home to bed
Cuz I’m a handsome, happy tired little bear.

If you go out in the woods today.
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.
For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day us teddy bears have our picnic.
Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play
Beneath the tree, where nobody sees
We’ll hide and seek as long as we please
Today's the day us teddy bears have our picnic.
THE END

West Smile Virus

Oh, my goodness! I was outside playing last evening with my buddy Special Ed James. A giant mosquito landed on me. I don't like mosquitoes. They're not nice at all. They don't know how to play games and they don't make friends. They just land on me and eat me. Special Ed James says we're just big fat Happy Meals for mosquitoes. I don't like that! Special Ed James gave that mosquito a big 'ole swat and he killed it dead. He says it's best not to let them hang around because they bring West Smile Virus. It's not a present. I like presents. West Smile Virus is a terrible sickness. It's way worse than a tummy ache. So why would they call it West Smile Virus? Smiles are nice and friendly. Anyway, if you see a mosquito this summer, kill it, don't let it eat you up and don't let it give you West Smile Virus.

Brownies Are a Bear's Best Friend

Every Thursday my buddy Special Ed James and me go to the Bake Shoppe. We get brownies. These are not ordinary brownies. These are amazing brownies filled with goodness, sunshine, love and cocoa. I like cocoa a lot, especially at bed time but you can't drink brownies. They're square. You can't drink squares. We get brownies and we go outside and eat them. They taste super good. Brownies are a Bear's best friend. We should write a poem about brownies. Oh, good idea! Sometimes we get a brownie for our friend Jay. He is my brownie buddy, but he doesn't go to Special Ed. He doesn't even go to school. He doesn't have to go to school, he's soooo smart. I wanna be smart so I'm gonna be like Jay and eat more brownies. Yeah. I'll eat more brownies. They're as good as Smarties but if you eat a brownie in bed then your bed will get all sticky and messy. I like to eat Smarties in bed. Smarties aren't sticky or messy. I eat the red ones last. That makes me happy.

Fun Things to Do

I like to drop things off the balcony and watch them fall. That's lots of fun. I flush the toilet and see if I can run to the front door of the apartment building and back to the toilet before it is full of water. If I am thirsty I can have a drink, too! My buddy, Special Ed James, says I shouldn't drink out of the toilet. Big deal. He drinks out of the milk carton. That is disgusting. Sometimes I sit outside on the front step and ask people for loonies or toonies. I look sad and tell them I am lost and need the money to call home. Yesterday I made $44 dollars. I don't need to call home--I am home! That's funny. I want the money so I can buy thumbs, like my buddy, Special Ed James. Then I can hold a glass in one hand instead of two. That's the truth or my name isn't Charles--yes, I'm a handsome bear cub! Gotta go! Time to have fun!

What To Do the Day After The Queen's Birthday?

Look at me! I am gonna learn to drive. Can you drive when you're five? I'm gonna be five on Canada Day. Yesterday was the Queen's birthday. We got into the car and took a ride down to Amherstburg. I weared my seat belt. We got to sit out on the riverfront and eat ice cream cones. I l-o-v-e ice cream. I picked blueberry pie and strawberry delight flavours. I didn't spill any. I licked it all up. Every drop went right inside. Special Ed James wanted kerosene ripple. They don't have that flavour. Then we went to Wal-Mart but we didn't buy anything. "Hands in your pockets," Special Ed James always says. That's so silly. Bears don't have pockets. Do we grow pockets when we're older? At No Frills I got to ride in the yellow grocery cart. Special Ed James runs real fast through the aisles and I make the police siren noise. People run when they see us coming! That's really fun! Then we went to Uncle Vito's for dinner. I ate meat loaf and lemon chiffon pie. I don't like lemons but I like lemon chiffon pie. Oh, wow, I need a nap. That's the truth or my name isn't Charles. When I wake up I wanna do something fun. What's next? What is there to do the day after the Queen's birthday? Oooh! I just thought of something. I'll drive the car! Bye!

The Ministry of Happiness

If I ever get to be Prime Minister I am gonna create the Ministry of Happiness. Everyone in Canada has the right to be happy--even if it kills them--doggone it--they should be happy, happy, happy! I am gonna ask Raffi to be the first Minister of Happiness. I like his songs. His songs make me happy and when I'm happy my tail wags, doesn't yours?

Victoria Day Poem by me--Charles the Bear

Me and my buddy Special Ed James are Internet Poem Stars. We're on YouTube. We have Victoria Day poem cuz it's the Queen's birthday and that means holiday time. If you didn't know--Victoria was an old queen but she died. Now Queen Elizabeth is the old queen. She lives in Buckingham Palace. That's really far from out house. Special Ed James says we can't even get to Buckingham Palace on the train. Wow! It must be super far! I see the Queen every day cuz her face is on all the money. I keep my allowance in my Canada Post mailbox piggy bank. I have $31.19 saved up. I'm gonna buy a palace--but not the Shawarma Palace--that is downtown and really far from our house. See! I'm wearing a crown. I'm playing Queen. I am knighting a teddy bear. Now he is Sir Teddy. Our Victoria Day poem comes from the Olden Days when Americans couldn't buy beer. The Olden Days were awful!! I don't know why I can't buy beer. I'm going to be five on my birthday. That's pretty old, you know. My birthday is on Canada Day. I get fireworks--and maybe beer! No, wait! I want thumbs! Yeah. Okay. Gotta go. Going to knight some more friends in honour of the Queen's Birthday. Bye for now!

Four and twenty Yankees feeling kind of dry
Slipped across the border to drink a pint of rye.
When they had wet their whistles they began to sing,
"God bless America but God save the king!"
THE END! :)

Toronto Is Pretty Far Away From My House

Goin' to Toronto 1-2-3, Goin' to Toronto you can't catch me! Toronto is pretty far away from my house. It's way past Debbie's house. The train goes super fast. It goes faster than my bicycle. The train has real big windows so you can see everything. I saw pheasants. A nice man took our tickets and another nice man gave me juice in a sippy box. I don't need a sippy box. I'm not a baby bear, I'm FOUR! My buddy Special Ed James said to be polite we use our best VIA Rail manners. On the train we talk with our inside voices. The train was full but I was the only bear cub on board. Ooooh! In Toronto we saw the CN Tower. I will tell you a secret. It followed us around. I was sleepy on the way home. I ate pretzels and fell asleep on Special Ed James' lap. He waked me up when we got to Windsor. I was glad to get home. Home is the bestest place. My bed is the bestest place to sleep. My bed is just right.

Whoo! Whoo! We're Ridin' on the Train! Whoo!

The train! The Train! Oh! My goodness! My buddy Special Ed James and me, we're all packed and ready to go to T.O. on the train. Whoo! Whoo! I am wearing my VIA Rail engineer's' cap. We made us some lunch, too. We got orange Crush and bakeapple jam that came all the way from Newfoundland yesterday with Glen and Juanita. Who loves bakeapples? I do! I do! I could eat them in my sleep. Some people call them cloudberries. They have two names. Like people. Except Cher. She only has one. They are my favouritest berry in the whole wide world. Can't wait to see Toronto. It's a BIG city. Special Ed James says 6 million people live there. I wanna know why they live so far away from Windsor cuz Windsor is the centre of the known universe and the nicest part of Detroit. There's a washroom on the train just in case. Wonder who thought of that? Who's a happy bear cub? Me! Me! I am a handsome bear cub and my name is Charles. Gonna get Special Ed James to tickle my ears. Bye!

Captain Lightning & Flash

Did you see the lightning? It was so bright it woke up me and Special Ed James. The clock said 3.50. I am learning to tell time. I know we're supposed to be asleep at 3.50 but that old lightning made us jump out of bed. We grabbed our capes. We play Captain Lightning and Flash Jr. We put on our big yellow boots and splash in the huge puddles. We stop crime with our Lightning sabres. Wow! That is sooooo much fun. We got all wet and had to take a bath. The hair dryer makes me laugh because it tickles and it sounds like spacemen. Special Ed James cooked us porridge. He lets me stir but I wear the oven mitts, the oven helmet and the oven boots. Safety you know. I l-o-v-e porridge. I love porridge as much as I love Mary Ann's meatloaf cookies. I'm sleepy. I need a nap. should I sleep on my tummy or on my back? I'll let you know. Later.

The bestest drink for bear cubs-Montreal Coolers

When it's really really hot outside we go into the kitchen and we put on our chef's aprons and chef's hats and cook. We cook my favouritest summertime drink. Montreal Coolers. They're easy to cook. Here is the recipe. Take a monster glass out of the freezer and scoop lots of orange sherbet into it. I mean lots and lots of orange sherbet. Then you gotta pour a bottle of Canada Dry on top of it. But don't spill any. Stir it up and slurp it down. That is the whole recipe. Too easy, eh. It's the bestest drink for a hot summer day. Gotta go. I am thirsty. I am gonna cook me a Montreal Cooler right now. Wonder if Special Ed James wants one?

Muffins Wear Underpants

I like to go to Tim Horton's with Special Ed James. He's my buddy, you know. He asks the Muffin Boi if he can turn a muffin upside down so we can see its underpants. Don't say "underpants" it's naughty! We laugh soooooo hard. Today Special Ed James asked the Muffin Boi if he could show us a chocolate chip muffin so he could see if there was poo in its underpants. Don't say "poo" it's REALLY naughty. We laugh so hard that milk comes out our noses. Now you know something we do for fun and you can do it too. Sometimes we even get free muffins but don't tell anybody.

My Shiny New Friend

I have a new friend. He is not a bestest friend--not yet. Special Ed James put a mirror on the floor. I look inside. There is a brown bear cub inside there who looks a lot like me. Special Ed James says it IS me--that it's a reflection. Liar, liar, pants on fire! Who is he kidding? I do not reflect. But the bear in the mirror seems friendly. I wish he was not so shy. If he would come out we could ride our bikes together on Russell Street but he only plays peek-a-boo with me. It's a fun game. Maybe I will tell him he can ride my blue bike with the Canada flag on it if he comes out of the mirror.

Charles' Poem for Mother's Day

In honour of those who had mothers.

Night And Morning

The morning sits outside afraid
Until my mother draws the shade;

Then it bursts in like a ball,
Splashing sun all up the wall.

And the evening is not night
Until she's tucked me in just right
And kissed me and turned out the light.

Oh, if my mother went away
Who would start the night and day?
THE END
--Dorothy Aldis

PS: If you want me to see me recite this on camera as an Internet Poem Star, tell Special Ed James. He hogs the camera all the time. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he doesn't come down with swine flu cuz he's a dirty rotten pig.

Lamb's Tails and Popcorn

Why do people say, "two shakes of a lamb's tail?" Lambs aren't special. Lambs are not cuddly and cute like us bear cubs. People should say, "two shakes of a cub's tail" cuz everybody knows that us bears have much nicer tails than dumb old lambs. My buddy, Special Ed James, tickles my ears and hollers, "Who's a handsome bear cub?" I like that cuz I'm a handsome bear cub. I wag my tail when I'm happy, don't you? Last night we sat up late to watch Goldilocks and the Three Bears on TV and eat popcorn. Popcorn is my favouritist food ever but I don't pour ketchup on it like Special Ed James does. I gotta go, now. We're going to the shopping centre. Special Ed James wants to buy minutes. Yeah, right. Like you can buy time. Okay, I'll go along--WINK. He rides to school on the short bus, you know. It's my job to look out for him and believe you me, that boi can be a real handful (pawful?). Anway, I'll be back in two shakes of a cub's tail. A handsome bear cub's tail. That's my tail.

Riding my Bicycle

I have a bike. So does my buddy, Special Ed James. We go riding. My bike is blue. It has a Canada flag on it. My bike goes fast. Really fast. My bike goes faster than Superman. Okay, I made that up. Nobody is faster than Superman. Not even Spiderman. I like Spiderman. If I saw Spiderman while I was riding my blue bike, I would offer him a ride but I would not offer a ride to a lion. A lion might eat me. A vegetabletarian lion would not eat me. Vegetabletarians eat vegetables. If I saw a lion hitchhiking I would stop and ask him if he was a vegetabletarian. If he was a vegetabletarian he could have a ride. At night I don't ride my bicycle. My bicycle has to sleep because it gets all tired out. That's what Special Ed James telled me. He might be in special ed but sometimes I think he is very, very smart.

Stray Comets May Crash into Earth

So I heard on the CBC that a whole bunch of scientists are in Montreal to figure out what might happen if stray comets crash into Earth. They think we will all die. They're not very smart, are they? We don't have to die. Duh! Here is my foolproof plan. I am going to roll over, lay on my back, eat strawberries and keep an eye on the sky. I will borrow D's nifty shades. Eye safety. I learned all about that at Bear Care. The minute I spot a stray giant, flaming rock coming out of the sky I will put on my hockey helmet--head safety you know--and blast the darned thing out of the sky with the death ray gun I got at Dollarama last week. How easy is that? Pass the strawberries, please.

Toilet Paper

Sometimes they show that commercial on TV where the bears are wiping their bum bums with Charmin toilet paper. That gives people the wrong idea about bears. We do NOT wipe our bum bums with toilet paper. Uh uh. Never. Not even once. We're not puppies, we're bears. Duh! Toilet paper is fun to play with but when we make poopies we wipe our bum bums with rainbows. We reach right up into the sky and pull down a little bit of rainbow. That is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me or my name is not Charles the handsome bear cub who lives on Sparkle Road with Special Ed James.

Springtime in Maple Centre

It is really warm outside. That's because it is spring here in Maple Centre. Spring is a bee-yoo-ti-ful time of year. The mercury is climbing up to 25C some days. When spring rolls around, I shed a little. Well, okay, I shed a lot. So, I drag out the Electrolux and ask my buddy Special Ed James to vacuum me. It tickles and I laugh. That makes Special Ed James laugh. We laugh soooo hard the neighbours come to see what in tarnation is going on. I like to sit outside in the muskoka chair and wear sunglasses. I'm a happy bear cub. That's me, Charles. I gotta go. I got a toonie. I wanna go to Mac's and get some Smarties. No! Wait! Gummy worms. Yeah. I want some gummy worms. I wonder how many gummy worms a toonie will buy? I'll ask Wendy, the nice lady at Mac's. She'll know. Bye!

Thumbs, please!

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live with my buddy James on Sparkle Road. That's in Olde Sandwich Towne. That's in Windsor, Ontario. Ontario is in O Canada--our home and native land.  James says we live in southernmost, subtropical Ontario. He says it's this is O Canada's banana belt. You can't fool me. You can't make a belt out of bananas.  I look after James 'cuz he's old and forgetful.

Know what? I like to start the day by reading The Lance. It is a newspaper at the University of Windsor. I can read, you know. That's because I'm not just a handsome bear cub, I'm gifted. My buddy, James, says so. James might be really old but he has thumbs.

I want thumbs. I am going to write a letter to Santa and ask for thumbs. I have been good. I would like opposable thumbs. Two of them. For Christmas. Okay, for my birthday. That's on Canada Day. If I had thumbs then I could hold a glass in one paw, like my buddy, Special Ed James. Cool! This is me, Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Be good citizens. Read the newspaper. Over and out!"