The Christmas Story

Hi. I'm Charles the Bear Cub. You know me. I live on Sparkle Road with my buddy, James. He is very forgetful. He is really old, too. He was the second Canadian to get off Noah's Ark. He must be 20 years old! I have to look after him. Oh. Wait! Chance lives with us, too. He's a newborn cubby someone left in a basket on our doorstep. He's a wee little thing.

Know what? This is us with Wes. He is the big boss at the Dominion House. That's across the street from our house. Wes is nice. He knows how to make deep-fried dill pickles. They're yummy and that's one of the four food groups in the Canada Food Guide. Wes has a Christmas tree. They have good food to eat at the DH.

Look at Chance! He thinks his Santa hat is a sleeping bag!

I'm telling Chance the Christmas Story. Hark! Once upon a midnight clear Mary and Joseph have to go Ottawa and pay taxes. When they get there they couldn't find a TraveLodge so they sleep in a barn. Then Mary had a newborn baby. His name is Baby Jesus. Newborns don't have any teeth, you know. A flock of shepherds come to see the newborn king. Then the three wise guys followed the OnStar right to the barn. They have three birthday presents. They bring gold and frankysence and Mir. I don't know why they brought gold. They can't go shopping cuz all the stores are closed on Christmas Day, you know.  James says frankysence smells good. I know what Mir is. It's dish soap. We get it at Westside Foods. It's in aisle four.

When Jesus grows up he will die on an old rugged cross and save us all from Satan's power, comfort and joy. One day he'll come and get us and take us to his house. Jesus lives in Heaven. Special Ed James says we can't go there on VIA Rail. We will fly. Then we will have Christmas at his house! I hope Jesus will make gingerbread being with us. That is the end of the Christmas story.

Chance is asleep. I'm sleepy.

We put another sticker on the calendar, today. Know what? It's only five more days before Santa and Merry Christmas come to our house!

This is Charles the Bear Cub saying, "Good-bye for now! Pay your taxes so you don't have to go to Ottawa and sleep in a barn. Be good citizens! Over and out!"